Manic
by CanaanAlshea
Summary: The Moon Represents Insanity. How True For One Fox In Human Skin, So Close To The Edge


Title: Manic.  
Author: Yoko-cw  
_Summary: The Moon Represents Insanity. How True For One Fox In Human Skin... Based on my own manic episode._

There was a steady glow drifting downward, a white and empty sort that illuminated his surroundings. The grass around him was tinged blue, his own hair darkened to the point of blood. Fevered green eyes greedily drank in the moonlight, pupils dialating in a familar and ancient sort of way. Hunger. Pure instinct was what drove him onwards, mouth spread in an uncharacteristic grin, far from friendly. Quiet college student, Suichi Minamino, who never let his guard down or rose his voice, was playing tag with the moonlight on a mere three inch ledge, bare feet pale against the stone. On a hospital roof, perhaps solely to be ironic, was playing with moonlight and daring death to violently take him. 55 feet of concrete awaited him below, and he dared it, too; daring it to take him from this moment. He relished the blood burning in his veins. He could practically feel his hair draining of color, eyes turning to an icy shade of gold. "Come and get me, little reaper," he mumbled, bare arms stretching to embrace the pre-winter wind that was teasing his balance, "Let's see who wins, shall we?" A harsh laugh ripped from his throat, flinging his head up to stare at the inked sky, endless amounts of nothing causing his pulse to quicken. Where would he fall, he wondered, if he were to fall upward?

"Let's try it, self," he mumbled, standing in his toes and tipping backward, slightly, slightly, "Let's count the seconds until...splat." Again he laughed. Why was the idea of dying so bloody hilarious to him right now? "Perhaps mother drugged the tea again? Hm?" Kurama shook his head; no, no then he would be sleeping... Did it matter? "Maybe," he gasped, "Maybe I am sleeping... HA. A laughable notion indeed." The grin was back, and he spun on his toes, feet arching with the grace of a dancer.

"Ashes, ashes, we all fall down...!" The fox whispered to himself; surely he was going insane? Ah, but what a glorious feeling it was, if he were truely losing his mind...! Exhilerating even!

"...Kurama?"

The name's owner looked up, startled but still smiling to look upon his little shadow. "Hiei! My what a pleasent surprise it is to see you here. Are you also enjoying the moonlight, dear?" Hiei kept his movements slow, eyes locked on his friend's feet as he walked across the flat roof. He stopped a couple feet away. "Come, dance with me! It will be marvelous!" The cackle broke out again. "Fuck...!" Hiei's heart gave a terrified leap as Kurama did a gymnastic flip, using the edge as a balance beam and singing in a foreign tongue as he landed on the balls of his feet. "Don't be frightened, I will not fall. ...Again." He laughed again, finding his suicide attempt hilarious. The fire demon felt nauseated and wondered how long it had been since he'd slept. Or eaten. He counted the nodes in Kurama's spine through the thin white shirt.

"Are you Yoko tonight?" He kept his voice low, mindful of the eerie silence that had fallen in the area, mindful also that startling his friend would be fatal, "Or are you Suichi?" A second passed before the redhead cocked his head, pressed his lips together in an almost mocking gesture of serious thought. "I...am...completely unsure!" He cackled again, tilting forward (thankfully toward the rooftop this time) and smiling at the company, "You see we've melded together quite nicely. I'm not appreciative of this horrid shade of red though," he held up a lock for visual explaination, "I'm thinking of dying it silver, as tribute to my old soul. What do you think?" "Do what you please. It is not my hair," Hiei stepped forward a bit more, "May I sit on this ledge?" He nodded to the part just in front of Kurama's bruised feet, and tensely did so when given a nod. Disappointingly, his friend took a step back as he did so. "So, what brings you to this area of the human realm?" Hiei shrugged, still eyeing the unstable body, "Insomnia. What of you? Why are you not curled up, sleeping for another day of humanity?"

A bony finger simply pointed upward, tracing the glowing outline and a ghostly smile drifted along the pale face, "It calls to me. This moonlight, and my old self, I mean."

"You yearn for demonism?"

"I don't know what I yearn."

A moment passed. Kurama's heart sped up as he looked at the street, the few cars that were passing by. Wind whipped through his hair, whistling into his ears and raising goosebumps around his spine. "I yearn for...something I cannot name." Death? Danger? Excitement? Perhaps he was seeking to relieve boredom, or something to focus his racing thoughts on. His heart had an annoying tendancy to ache, his adreniline pumping into his hollow body, for there was nothing to ease it.

Hiei pulled the cloak from his body, going with a suspicion that Kurama might be cold when he got him out of this. 'If' his mind taunted, 'IF you get him out...' He shook it off. "You must be cold." Kurama turned his head slightly, face blank and haunting, "Quite. I don't know what I was thinking, wandering out here in this attire," he gestured down to himself.

And then, a whispered confession: "I do believe...I am going mad."

Ah, there it was. The sudden switch, the frightening way his mood went from disturbingly energetic and enlightened, to a perfect example of depression and hopelessness. Eight days prior, Hiei sat holding a quilt-wrapped Kurama, trying to sooth the heartwrenching sobs and confessions of emptiness. Helplessness had threatened to drive him mad as he tried, again and again, to assure the kitsune that his life was indeed worth living.

And here he was, happily risking suicide.

"Not mad, fox," he whispered back, "You are ill. I've told you this. Won't you come down? I've brought the blanket." To prove he wasn't false, he held out the thick navy blue cloth, folded into a perfect square, and quite inviting with it's obvious thickness. It was Kurama's favourite. "You must be cold. I can tell you've been up here too long."

"Cold?" Kurama crouched on the ledge, folded hands pressed against his lips as he glared down at the silent world, "Yes I'm cold. I'm always cold. Why though...I cannot say." At that moment Hiei was almost certain his friend was in danger of falling. And he himself was tensed, perfectly prepared to catch him should he fall, but a moment sooner. He needed space, as painful as it was to give.

"You hate humans. Yet you keep coming for me. ...Why is that? Why are you mocking me?" Green eyes so full of pain; Hiei stared into their depths and kept his voice even. "I don't hate you. I don't hate humans. True they irritate me. You are also," he hesitated to let this slip; would it upset Kurama...?, "You are also not human. And you are my companion."

Kurama let out a harsh sound at the word, a blend between a cackle and a sob. He could feel the emotional stitches begin to rip, fearful that his insides would come pouring out in a rush.

"You could let me go, you know," the lump in his throat made in painful to speak, "You could just walk away, tell them you couldn't find me...you would not be blamed." The fox looked downward at the streetlights, the blackened asphalt and blank sidewalks that would hold too many people in the morning. "I yearn for something. Tell me, Hiei, do you also believe I've slipped?" Gone mad, he meant? Hiei would not dare let the truth slip out. "No. As I stated already, you are ill. If you would take the medication-"

"I don't need the fucking medication!" The sound echoed harshly, making Hiei flinch and scoot forward, just a little. "...I don't..." He nodded at his friend, "Very well," he whispered, "I'm going to come and sit behind you, wrap this blanket around you. Would that be alright, do you think?" A painfully long moment passed.

And then the nod.

The tension started to let go as Hiei was allowed to come closer. He did as he promised, coming behind the unstable man and pulling a blanket in front of both of them, tucking it beneath Kurama's chin. He then made to wrap his arms around the redhead, to pull him against his chest; not to trap, but to comfort. Kurama gave a quiet nod, "I trust you...not to stop me, I mean." 'Stop me from letting you give up? A foolish thing' Nonetheless, Kurama was pulled tightly into an embrace, and they were left in silence, staring out at an unknowing city.

Kurama wouldn't slip that night.

When black began to give way to blue, Kurama's eyes slipped back into focus. Tearstained, he pressed his face into the arm facing the roof, trembling violently as he came down from the episode. "I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry..." "Hush," Hiei spoke at softer levels, desperately gripping thin shoulders, roughly passing his hands through vibrant red hair. "Just breathe for me." He was violently aware at how close he'd come this time. He'd waited too long, sure that the nagging at the back of his mind was paranoia.

"Just breathe."


End file.
